Changing social norms has allowed few avenues by which they can be both acceptable as a relationship partner and attractive as a sex partner. Until something changes, the best we can all do is adapt and find our own, unique way. Make sure you get the next article too! Unfortunately, men sometimes report that attempting to balance these notions does not result in satisfaction, happiness , or women's appreciation and respect. Today, men are given confusing and contradictory advice. Kirsten Corley Kirsten is the author of But Before You Leave , a book of poetry about the experiences we struggle to put into words. Overall, dating for men also involves costs and trade-offs. Essentially, these are the guys who have been frustrated and punished to the point that they see no further incentive to relate. For more on that approach see here , here , here , and here. This approach takes constant effort though—both in the man maintaining his own standards, and in his motivating and inspiring others to do so too. In that article, I explained my hypothesis that women are stuck in a double-bind between what they are told through modern social norms and their own biological motivation. However, they are also urged by women's sexual interest to maintain an "attractive personality " i. When rewards outweigh punishment , people perform behaviors.
Double-binds and unknown frustrations, however, can be explained. It is a social flux period, where many men and women are not satisfied socially and biologically. The want and need for immediate gratification lead to us giving up on people a little too quickly. Given that, many men sit on the couch, plug in a video game, and opt out—just as Behaviorism and Skinner might predict. They also treat partners equitably according to their behavior, worth, and contributions to the relationship. Overall, men in either case report also having a difficult time finding what they label "attractive" women for longer-term relationships. For more on that approach see here , here , here , and here. But all of those things take time and chances. Overall, they report that there is often little incentive for men to date and even less for them to consider long-term commitments. Relationships are supposed to be so much easier than we are making them out to be. In contrast, if they follow more "assertive" biological imperatives, they are labeled "jerks" and "players"—who may get sexual gratification, but not love or respect from what they would consider a "good woman". As a result, at least half of their needs are unfulfilled, regardless of the decision they make. We fear pain, so we carelessly relationship hop, hurting one another before they beat us to it. The things you hate about others are the things you cannot see in yourself. They are caught between conflicting social demands and biological motivations. However, these men are often punished by being socially labeled as "jerks", "players", or even "creeps", unfit for socially-defined relationships. These are the guys who are often labeled "players", "macks", and "pick-up artists". Modern dating today fills everyone with anxiety and doubt and confusion when in reality you should be standing next to someone you are sure of. Overall, dating for men also involves costs and trade-offs. Dating is complicated enough without making it any harder for ourselves. Unfortunately, men sometimes report that attempting to balance these notions does not result in satisfaction, happiness , or women's appreciation and respect. Dating addressing the problem if there is one and finding a solution. Just choose thoughtfully, what is right for you. Looking for flaws and any sort of shortcoming that will give us an excuse to walk away instead of trying harder. Changing social norms has allowed few avenues by which they can be both acceptable as a relationship partner and attractive as a sex partner. Rather than spending their efforts on material success to attract a partner, they focus on making themselves happy. We are all motivated to seek out rewards and avoid punishments Skinner,
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