My girlfriend is self-conscious during sex. She seems unable to fully let go and really enjoy herself. You are definitely not alone. Over a period of days, weeks or months, women may find that they can graduate in size and slowly use larger sized dilators, one at a time. The central tenet is non-sexual touching and, in the initial phase, all other contact is restricted. It may be that some women with vulvodynia experience more pain than other women when they attempt vaginal penetration. My girlfriend can't relax and let go during sex Friday, July 08, Suzi Godson One of the best ways to help your girlfriend to feel more relaxed about sex may be to stop having it for a while. Now she is scared that she is pregnant. We Need Your Questions! However, if she is very sensitive, there is a risk that she will interpret what you are saying as a criticism, so a conversation about it needs to be broached with great sensitivity. However, research has been mixed on this feature of the condition, with quite a few doctors and researchers being unable to find any evidence of actual muscle spasms.
Although vaginal dilators can be purchased over the Internet, it is often most helpful to attempt these exercises with the guidance of a healthcare provider or sex therapist. However, if she is very sensitive, there is a risk that she will interpret what you are saying as a criticism, so a conversation about it needs to be broached with great sensitivity. Instead, you focus on creating and experiencing sensation by taking turns exploring each other bodies. Because this is non-sexual, it is non-threatening and your girlfriend should be able to respond by telling you what tickles, what scratches and what feels really, really good. Vaginal Dilators Some women find it helpful to use graduated vaginal dilators to help them learn to experience vaginal penetration. The central tenet is non-sexual touching and, in the initial phase, all other contact is restricted. The skin on her chest and torso will become flushed — stimulating her nipples will magnify these sensations. Taking The Next Step In any case, there are a range of treatment options that may be helpful but the first step is to check in with a healthcare provider, which is a good idea for any woman who is considering becoming sexually active with a partner. Vaginal dilators can be thought of as a set of medical dildos, if you will, with the smallest one being about the size of a pinky finger and the largest one being about the size of a larger-than-average-sized penis. For many years, vaginismus was considered to be a condition that involved the muscles around the vagina going into involuntary spasms, thus preventing penetration. Although the entire exercise is focused on helping her to relax, phase two offers you the opportunity to explore sexual responses. You need to let her know gently that you can feel her discomfort and reassure her that your sole motivation is to help, not to humiliate. Some doctors use Botox in conjunction with recommending vaginal dilator therapy. It may be that some women with vulvodynia experience more pain than other women when they attempt vaginal penetration. It may also be that some women with vulvodynia are more likely to experience fear or anxiety in connection with their pain. She seems unable to fully let go and really enjoy herself. When your girlfriend is comfortable with phase two, you can move on to penetrative sex, but let her dictate the pace and always include non-genital and genital touching beforehand. When it is her turn, make sure to give her positive feedback to build her confidence. My girlfriend is self-conscious during sex. Diagnosing The Pain Often, women who feel that they are not able to experience vaginal penetration are given a diagnosis of vaginismus. It is important to separate this experience from sex because the more relaxed she feels with touching and being touched in this phase, the more likely she is to remain relaxed when you escalate to genital touching in phase two. Women can practice relaxing, putting lubricant on the smallest size dilator, and inserting just a bit of it while they relax, read a book, talk to their partner, or even watch television. You are definitely not alone. This slows everything down and ensures that she is fully aroused before intercourse. Many women experience a great deal of pain and anxiety related to vaginal penetration. When you progress to genital touching, you will be able to see how, with stimulation, her body changes as she becomes aroused. Although sensate focus can sound like a rather prescriptive remedy, it will give your girlfriend the opportunity to unravel negative sexual associations so that she can begin to associate sex with fun, not fear.
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