Easy-to-get and hard-to-get strategies had opposite effects on emotions. Increase demand in the dating marketplace. Sometimes dating and relationship advice can conflict. Most of us are not interested in wasting time chasing down someone already in a relationship or otherwise disinterested. One study of subjects found that very unavailable people are less attractive, both for short- and long-term mating. Other advice suggests we should be more direct and straightforward, improving trust and liking. When people are denied what they want even a little , they tend to want it all the more! This might be because this is the kind of mate she ideally wants. That may give you time to build their commitment and interest in other ways, such as: To test these hypotheses, Dai and associates performed two experiments: Recent research has brought a bit more clarity to the question, finding that sometimes playing hard to get is a good way to build desire. On other occasions, it may backfire… What We Know Researchers Dai, Dong, and Jia investigated the question, "When does playing hard to get increase romantic attraction? So, which do you choose? Being a good investment as a mate may be advertised through limited availability.
I began to address this very topic in a previous article, where I reviewed research that showed playing hard to get does indeed work. For example, some advice suggests that people should "play hard to get" in order to increase attraction and desire. Thus, the strategy that made the person more likeable was not the same as the strategy that got them picked for a date or relationship. The research also found that sociosexuality is unrelated to the use of HTG strategy. Male students from a Hong Kong University were asked to read a hypothetical date story, or meet a real woman in a speed date situation. But does that mean you should play hard to get? The team hypothesized that playing hard to get might only work under certain circumstances—specifically, that such a strategy would only work when partners were already committed and emotionally invested in the relationship. Your value in the dating market is therefore directly related to your self-perceived value. In this fourth and final study, subjects signaled their willingness to spend money at a restaurant for low, medium and high availability dates. Other advice suggests we should be more direct and straightforward, improving trust and liking. In other words, if the person was not already interested to some degree, playing hard to get would not motivate them to chase. But personality differences play an important role as well. Again, we see that those with lower availability are perceived as having higher value in real monetary terms: The most effective approach is to work on being your absolute best as a person rather than a romantic prospect. If the partner is not committed or invested in you, however, playing hard to get can backfire. Increase demand in the dating marketplace. Researchers found that those with higher self-perceived mate value were more likely to use HTG to attract a likewise valuable mate. Results from these experiments offered some insights about how playing hard to get works. But there were significant sex differences in which tactics were used: That may give you time to build their commitment and interest in other ways, such as: What It Means for You As the research indicates, playing hard to get is a useful strategy…under the right conditions. Being a good investment as a mate may be advertised through limited availability. Recent research has brought a bit more clarity to the question, finding that sometimes playing hard to get is a good way to build desire. In that situation, being a little bit of a challenge can increase their perception of your value as a lover and motivate them to chase you more. Put simply, playing hard to get works when your potential partner is already interested and when they think you are "likeable" and nice, but are not yet passionate about you.
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