My boyfriend would rather have me talk about a future where he was guaranteed to still have me wrapped around his finger as opposed to my plans to study abroad or move to the city. Here are some resources for abuse victims: You want to be there for them, but you have to learn to put yourself first. Understand that sometimes you might have to administer tough love to help them. I was his only friend. The truth about why my friends and family never liked him slowly came to surface, and I began to realize I was in an emotionally abusive relationship. If I could describe what that felt like I would, but then again I never want anyone to feel that kind of pain. After actually skipping some of my classes to avoid him, my mom told me to get a grip and confront him. I have a right to happiness, and so do you. It's normal to empathize with your SO when they're feeling especially depressed, but if you find that your mood mirrors theirs you might need to take a step back for your own sake.
The abuser uses manipulation to make their partner feel at fault for all the issues of the relationship, and fear to keep them from leaving. She had always taught me to be independent, and to put myself first. Be upfront about your mental illness. This was written when I was a freshman in college. Resources If you are currently in an abusive relationship, you deserve to get help. Cutting yourself off from your partner or relying on them entirely are both manipulative behaviors. He admitted to me that he had a slew of mental illnesses. My first boyfriend was depressed to the point of being suicidal at times, and I actually ended up having to drop out of university since constantly talking him down made my own milder depression much worse. As hard as it may be, you need to walk away from someone who uses their mental illness as a reason for constantly belittling you or putting you in situations you are not comfortable with. The beginning stage of our friendship was great. T never tried to get physically close to me, which made me feel respected and valued. That might be getting them to take meds or get help or feel better about themselves. You want to be there for them, but you have to learn to put yourself first. That was a surprise to me, because I had no idea he had been doing that for quite some time. As someone with mental illness, you cannot just expect your partner to understand. Do they become extremely sensitive when made fun of or responding to what they deem to be a lack of respect? It can be frustrating not knowing how to help the one you love, but sometimes the best thing you can do is to just be there for your partner. Though your mileage will of course vary. Just because they are down doesn't mean they want or need your help. Emotional distancing - Do they not protect your personal boundaries and share information that you have not approved? Anyone can become an abuser, but that also means anyone can walk away as a survivor. Most of the people I hung around were guys, so I assumed every man on Earth was a burping, belching, sports fanatic who still rated women on a 1 to 10 scale. While I just thought T was moody and skinny, he was actually hiding several secrets about his past. I have a right to happiness, and so do you. Remember it's OK to take time for yourself, it can be very draining otherwise. If I could describe what that felt like I would, but then again I never want anyone to feel that kind of pain.
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